Killer Woman
by leiasky
Summary: River is triggered again and Mal must do something that will change the dynamic of his crew forever. SimonKaylee
1. Prologue

Title: Killer Woman

Rating: PG

Synopsis: River's nightmare turns into reality as she is triggered again.

Author's Notes: Post Movie

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful 'verse Joss Whedon created.

* * *

**Killer Woman**

"_She goes all woolly again we're gonna have to put a bullet to her."_

_The memory of Jayne's words flowed through her mind like a mantra. But it would not happen. It couldn't. She wouldn't let it. Another time, maybe. When she was done with her current task._

_She gazed unflinchingly down at the blood-covered sheets._

_Blood. It flowed hot and sticky over her fingers as she plunged the kitchen knife into his chest over and over until startled eyes closed and his body went limp. Crimson spilled from the corners of his mouth and down his chin where he'd tried to take a breath through pierced lungs._

_Later, she would remember the annoyed look on his face as she'd interrupted an intimate moment. Then the startled gasp as the knife pierced his chest the first time, the disbelieving look of pain as the blade struck a vital organ on the way in, and yet more on the way out, the words he struggled to say each time the motion was repeated – and the screams. They would echo in her mind long after her family was dead and buried._

_With a detachment born only of intense training, she completed her task. He knew too much about her, about the program, about how to infiltrate the most protected and secret place to ever exist in the Core worlds._

_It didn't matter his relation to her, how much closer than siblings they were, how much he had protected her, kept her safe. It was her duty and she was to complete it._

_Rage burned through her veins as well as disappointment that she had completed her task so swiftly. She'd known he wouldn't, couldn't put up much of a fight. He was weak where she was strong. He had freed her and as she'd pierced his pale skin again and again, she was not surprised to find that he did not regret that choice at the end of his life._

_River moved on to his mate, screaming over her lover's dead body. Her orders were clear. Dispatch anyone who got in her way, or who witnessed her mark's execution. This girl put up more of a fight than did the man, the shock having faded to intense fear, but it didn't matter, she was no challenge for the government trained assassin. _

_Kaylee's blood mingled with her lover's on the sheets. The knife dripped with it, River's hands were covered with it. Once her task was completed, she cocked her head and stared down at them with a cold detachment._

_But suddenly, with no warning, the veil covering River's narrowed eyes lifted and she stared in shock at the horrific death she had caused. The weapon slid from her open palm to strike the floor with an unnatural clang as she flung herself onto her brother's chest._

_River screamed and cried out until she was hoarse but he would not wake. He would never wake again. _

With a short, breathy gasp, River bolted upright in bed, limbs tangled in bed sheets and hair sticking wildly to her sweat-soaked cheeks. Her heart thudded so sharply against her ribs that she thought it would leap out of her chest. The fog settled around her mind and no matter how many times she shook her head or blinked her eyes, it would simply not clear.

It took a long time before she was able to control her breathing and her eyes stared at her closed bunk door for every one of those minutes. Legs shaking, she pushed herself to her feet and bolted into the hallway. It took only a brief moment of hesitation and then she had crossed the short distance to her brother's room. Another minute later, she had expertly picked the lock.

Swallowing thickly, River slid the door open, her body tense, coiled, ready to see what she knew could not be. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness of the room as they settled on the couple lying entwined on the bed.

River swallowed thickly as she stared at the rise and fall of her brother's chest. Kaylee moved, moaned lightly and settled her cheek back against his shoulder, eyes closed, mouth turned up into a contented smile even in sleep.

She stood and watched them for a long time, burning the image of their peaceful slumbering into her mind, frantically trying to replace the disturbing, lifeless image of her nightmare. River released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and backed out of the doorway. With one last look at the sleeping couple, she slid the door shut and ran a hand through her stringy hair.

_It was just a dream._

"It was too vivid to be a dream," River muttered as she made her way toward the bridge. The black welcomed her with open arms as she sat slowly into the pilot's seat and stared out into it. The stars twinkled in the nothingness and River felt safe, at home, yet something gnawed at her, tugged and tugged until her breath caught in her lungs.

Something was out there, waiting just out of her reach. She could feel it as certainly as she knew how much her brother loved Kaylee, or how much Mal loved Inara. River huffed in annoyance and glanced down at the dark screen resting in front of her.

With a heavy sigh she flipped on the Cortex and began scanning news reports. Even two months after Miranda the fallout from that little piece of information was still raging through the Core worlds. Slim fingers danced across the screen, changing the source of the feeds. She searched frantically, uncertain for what she was so desperately looking, until her slim fingers paused over a very non-descript image of the most recent address from Parliament.

At once, River's eyes glazed and her body tensed. Her breathing evened as she read the words embedded into the picture that no one but her could see. She sat for a moment, her eyes dilating further as the message implanted itself in her brain, instructing her, giving her an order that would end the lives of those she loved most in the 'verse.

With calm, cool precision, she stood and walked off the bridge, intent on completing her pre-programmed task. River never realized that the nightmare that had woken her from a sound sleep had not been a simple dream, but a premonition of what was to come.

TBC


	2. Chapter 1

Title: Killer Woman

Rating: PG

Synopsis: River's nightmare turns into reality as she is triggered again.

Author's Notes: Post Movie

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful 'verse Joss Whedon created.

* * *

**Killer Woman**

**Chapter 1**

With unblinking eyes, River walked determinedly down the hallway, feet ghosting noiselessly over the grating. Once she reached the galley, she looked around the room, her eyes finally settling on the lazy susan sitting in the middle of the table, knives of all shapes and sizes resting within a small container atop it.

Slim fingers curled around a medium-sized blade and when she lifted it, the metal gleamed red as the light struck it, giving the appearance of a flame licking at the edged steel. She continued on her way, walking with a slow, determined step toward the passenger dorms. A small smile quirked her lips when she found the door locked. Did they not know there was nothing that could keep her from her appointed task?

River made quick work of the lock and slid open the door, her eyes glowing like a feral animal stalking its prey as she stared at her sleeping brother. One bare foot and then the other crossed the threshold, bringing her yet closer to the completion of her mission.

She stared unemotionally down at Simon, her eyes flicking only once toward Kaylee as she shifted in his arms.

With an instinct born to all people intuitive enough to know when they are being watched, Kaylee's eyes popped open. She yawned and blinked quickly to remove the haze of sleep from her mind and vision. As she leaned up on her elbow, Simon groaned and turned to look sleepily at her just as River's knife started its downward motion.

"River!" Kaylee screamed she watched the blade disappear into Simon's side.

He cried out in pain, clutching at the wound as the knife was pulled none too gently from his side. "River?" Simon breathed, his eyes struggling to comprehend what he was seeing.

"_I'll miss you, Simon." River hugged him tight as the transport stood waiting to take her away to the Academy._

"_No you won't," Simon smiled tightly. "You'll be so busy you'll forget all about us."_

_River felt his fear and heartache at their parting as deeply as she felt her own. She would miss him when he was gone. But this was something she had to do._

Kaylee continued to scream, **gesticulating wildly **in hopes of getting River to stop her murderous actions. River's knife slashed at her arms before going down on Simon again, plunging deep into his bare flesh and into bone.

"River stop!" Kaylee screamed, throwing herself over Simon in hope of deterring the knife's intended path. The sharp blade sliced across Kaylee's shoulder and the older girl flinched backward, instinctively trying to protect herself.

For a split second there was silence and Kaylee's frightened eyes met Simon's pain-filled ones. He coughed, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth as he tried to breathe, and whispered breathlessly a word which reminded her how she could stop River's mindless, crazy actions.

"Oh!" Kaylee gasped as River's hand curled around her arm and yanked her off the bed. But she hadn't heard the whole phrase he'd used that day in the Maidenhead. "No! Simon!"

"_Your brother doesn't love you."_

"_Yes he does," River shook her head, hesitating._

"_He hasn't answered your letters, has he?" The instructor asked._

_River's body shook violently as she held the small blade in her hands. _

"_Has he?"_

_Tears dripped down River's cheeks. "No."_

"_He will not come for you."_

Kaylee could see the knife rise again, and she knew that if it hit Simon this time, there was no way he would live through it. It amazed Kaylee that River's first strike hadn't killed him outright. But there was a hesitation, some brief hiccup, yet again, in the downward motion of the blade. Before she could push herself to her feet and launch herself at River's back, Mal appeared in the doorway and put River to sleep.

"Eta kooram nah smech!"

River's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed like a sack of dead flesh, the knife falling from her hands to land at her feet.

A moment of shock rippled through the room before Kaylee's cries brought them all back to themselves. The girl was covered in blood and as she groped for the blanket, a sheet, anything to stem Simon's bleeding, Mal hurried to her side, Inara, followed, a few very long minutes later, by Zoe.

Inara, who hadn't even bothered to smooth her disheveled appearance when Mal had leapt out of her bed, hurried to Kaylee's side. "Mei mei!"

"Simon, please, "Kaylee touched his cheek, brushing the blood from her hand across his smooth skin. "Wake up, sweetie, you gotta tell us what to do."

"Jayne," Mal called, knowing the man was standing outside, Vera aimed at the unconscious River. "Get in here and help me with him."

Kaylee pressed harder on the wounds and Inara had to hold her back as Mal and Jayne lifted the unconscious doctor and carried him to the Infirmary.

"Zoe –"

"Got her, Sir." The first mate already had River in her arms and carried her in the opposite direction as soon as the men had left with Simon.

Kaylee stood on shaky legs and tried to follow but Inara restrained her. "Lets get you cleaned up, mei mei."

"No, I need to help Simon. I need to –"

"Mal and Jayne have him, mei mei." Inara started to pull at the shirt she wore. "We need to get you out of these." She opened a drawer and only finding Simon's clothes, turned to Kaylee. "We'll go to your room and –"

"No," Kaylee said, her voice quiet but determined. She opened a drawer, smearing blood on the handle as she did so, and plucked out a pair of Simon's sweatpants. Inara helped her shrug out of the shirt and she rubbed at her hands and arms getting most of the blood off her skin. Quickly, Kaylee pulled on the pants, opened another drawer and plucked out one of Simon's undershirts. She ignored the pain in her arms and in her shoulder as adrenaline surged through her body. She was cold, deathly so, but it was the first garment she'd come across and it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she get dressed and get back to Simon's side.

Kaylee glanced at the bed as they passed it and swallowed thickly before bolting out of the room, Inara on her heels.

"This is bad, Sir," Zoe said as she worked to stop the bleeding and stabilize their rapidly crashing patient.

"I know that, Zo," Mal said as he rifled through drawers for the medicine he'd need.

"He needs a doctor." Zoe winced as she tried to slow the blood seeping out of Simon's side.

"Then wake 'im up."

"Ain't sure that's ever gonna happen again, Sir." Zoe didn't look up.

"Jayne," Mal called back to the man who stood against the far wall, a disgusted look on his face at the sight of so much blood. "Get over here and hold this. I need to go change course."

"Closest planet with anywhere near decent medical facilities is Verbana, Sir."

Mal let off a string of curses just as Kaylee and Inara made it to the infirmary door. "We'll have to chance it. We gotta get him there."

"Jayne!" Mal called again and relinquished the pressure on Simon's chest only when he was well and truly sure Jayne could handle taking over for him. He snatched a rag off the counter and turned to Inara. "Whatever she needs, get it for her? Jayne's stoppin' the blood."

Kaylee opened her mouth but Mal addressed her next. "You stay right here, dong ma? Don't get closer. You can see 'im when Zoe's all done."

For a moment, Kaylee looked as if she had no intention of obeying that order but as Mal's eyes bored into her, she nodded, consenting to remain in the doorway. With a heavy sigh and a last, hesitant look at Inara, Mal raced for the bridge, hoping that they could reach the planet in time to get their doctor the help he needed.

Instruments beeped and chimed around the infirmary and as Zoe looked up, finally finished with her task, she sighed sadly at them.

"Ain't there no way you can shut them things off?"

"We need to know how he's doing, Jayne." Zoe rolled her eyes at him.

"You don't know how to read them anyways," Jayne said as he washed the blood off his hands in the small sink. He glanced back at Simon's pale body. "He ain't gonna make it anyway."

"Jayne!" Inara's glare silenced him immediately.

"Ain't true," Kaylee said. Her voice was small, but her determined tone made her belief evident in everything she said. "He's strong. He can make it through this." She stepped up to the sink, ignoring that Jayne was still scrubbing at his hands, and took a small bowl and rag. Slowly, she rolled the stool up to the diagnostic chair and began gently sponging the blood off Simon's bare skin.

The calm with which Kaylee worked both stunned and confused Jayne, and Zoe stepped up to the younger woman and placed a clean hand on her shoulder. "Kaylee, you don't have to –"

"He's gotta be clean 'fore we get to Verbana, right?" Kaylee didn't look up, just continued calmly with her task. "I gotta do somethin'. I just can't sit. Gotta keep busy."

For the first time, Zoe noticed the cuts on Kaylee's arms, the deeper cut on her shoulder. "Honey, let me look at these." She touched a bit of dried blood beside a few inch long cuts and raised her hands, palms out, when Kaylee flinched away.

"Am fine, Zoe. Gotta –"

"Let me clean these. They don't look too deep but I don't want them to get infected." Zoe didn't wait for approval before she swiped the antiseptic off the counter, overturned it into a rag, and then dabbed it along the first cut she found on Kaylee's arm.

"Kaylee, let Zoe clean the cuts," Inara reinforced as she finished cleaning her hands and stopped beside the two women.

Kaylee flinched but made no move to stop Zoe as she continued carefully washing the dried blood off Simon's face. She spoke to him in soft whispers as if no one was there and the two older women exchanged looks that spoke volumes. When Zoe noticed Jayne listening intently, she narrowed her eyes at him, a clear indication that he should leave the room.

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna go check on moonbrain."

"Don't go in there, Jayne," Zoe warned, moving to the longer cut on Kaylee's shoulder, and bandaging it. "You know what happened the last time you did."

"Can you leave us alone please, Zoe?" Kaylee lifted hollow eyes toward the older woman and Zoe felt her heart plummet into her stomach. She knew this feeling of helplessness all too well and it was something she would never have wished on such a bright, happy girl.

Zoe simply nodded, replaced the antiseptic and the rag and left Kaylee with her dying boyfriend.

Inara, similarly, said nothing, simply kissed Kaylee's cheek and left the room. Knowing everyone would be gathering in the galley, she made her way there, her heart heavy.

Kaylee didn't even watch them go, she simply brushed her fingers through Simon's hair and tried to force a smile when she remembered back to how much he loved it when she did that. His hair was soft and silky to the touch but when her fingers touched his bare skin, she trembled at how cold he felt. Cold and clammy.

"Ya gotta keep warm, Simon. Won't do to have ya freeze to death." Kaylee meticulously cleaned every spot of blood she found on his skin and studiously ignored the sleep pants he still wore which were covered with the crimson fluid. "I'll get ya a blanket to keep ya warm, sweetie. I'll be right back." She hurried out of the infirmary and without thought went to their room, his room, that she had been sharing for the better part of a month.

She skidded to a halt in the doorway and glanced in horror at the bed. She'd thought to get their nice, soft, fluffy comforter to warm him but it, and everything else on the bed, was covered in blood. She stood frozen in place for untold minutes before she bolted out of the room, through the galley and to her bunk.

Mal, Inara and Zoe glanced up from the table where they were talking quietly when Kaylee ran by. Mal stood up to follow a few moments later but the little mechanic returned faster than they thought possible, clutching the blanket from her bed tightly in her hands.

The three exchanged a look but it was Inara who followed Kaylee back to the infirmary. The older woman stood and watched as Kaylee carefully and tenderly draped the blanket around Simon, tucking in the edges to keep him as warm as possible.

When Kaylee was done, she sank onto the stool and buried her face in her hands.

Inara hurried to the girl's side and embraced her wordlessly as the adrenaline pumping through her veins started to wane. Suddenly, Kaylee began to feel the weight of the evening's events press onto her chest so hard that she could only heave great, huge sobs at the realization of what had happened.

Inara held Kaylee for a long time, the sting of her own tears held at bay only out of intense determination to be strong for her mei mei.

They sat in the galley, Jayne armed to the teeth, Mal and Zoe's hands not far from their own weapons.

"I told ya she was nuts!" Jayne exclaimed loudly, pacing the length of the galley opposite the storage closet.

"How's Simon?" Zoe asked Inara, who had just come from the infirmary. "Kaylee?"

"Hurt pretty bad," Inara exhaled sadly.

"That's why we're headed for the first planet with some kind of decent medical facility," Mal said sharply, his body coiled tight as a snake's tail.

"Kaylee's wounds are more superficial but she's emotionally shattered by this."

"Ain't we all," Jayne mocked, fingering Vera's trigger.

Inara shot him an annoyed look. "Simon hasn't woken yet."

"An' his little sis just tried to kill them in their own bed," Jayne griped as stopped and stared at Mal. "Shoulda put a bullet in her brainpan long ago."

"I'm shocked, Jayne. Was a time you'd not have cared a lick if Simon died," Mal shot back, his temper frayed.

"Hell, I don't care none 'bout that Core bred liumang that brought his crazy sister on board your boat." Jayne sneered. "He ain't family. I care 'bout gettin' my pi gu handed to me next time crazy wakes up."

Inara opened her mouth to refute that comment but Jayne continued.

"Lil' Kaylee, now, she ain't deservin' of any of this. That boy done been the cause of her hurt one too many times."

"And you're saying Simon and River _are_ deserving?" Inara snapped, finally reaching a place where she could interrupt Jayne's inconsiderate ramblings. "I would like to hear your reasoning behind that thought."

Mal leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "So would I."

"They ain't family, Mal. Get 'em off this boat or little sister is gonna end us all."

"There had to be a reason for –"

"Who cares!" Jayne spat. "The moonbrain tried to kill her own brother! Damn near succeeded too! Ain't got no cause to think we ain't next."

Mal turned to Zoe, who, up until this point, had been silent on the matter.

"She's a danger, no doubt."

"Tell us something we don't know," came Jayne's quick retort.

"Shut _up_, Jayne."

"Something set her off. I'm curious as to what. She's been fine since –" Zoe hesitated only for a moment, giving respect to those who had died the last time the girl had gone this crazy, "Miranda."

Jayne gawked at the first mate. "Have you lost what's left of your bloody mind?" He pointed back to the closed, and locked, storage closet. "You go in there, she'll end you. Like, I think I've said already, she tried to do to her _brother_."

"I think it's best we all learn that safe word," Mal said, ignoring Jayne's continued whining. The man had a point, but it was one Mal didn't want to discuss right now. "Repeat it until you know it. Eta kooram nah smech." He turned to Jayne. "You don't have the best memory if I'm recallin' the Ariel job right. Repeat it."

Jayne scowled at Mal and attempted to push the foreign sounding words out of his mouth.

As Mal prepared to tell him to repeat them until they rolled off his tongue as easily as the most vile curse, a blood-curdling scream echoed around the room, emanating from the storage closet. It went on and on and on until the sounds of struggling and the hoarse cries died down to a barely audible pitch.

Mal nodded curtly to Zoe and the two of them moved toward the door. Jayne raised Vera and shook his head disapprovingly. "Am usually fond of sayin' '_I told you so'_ and if you die 'cause a this, I'm gonna be really mad you ain't alive to hear me say it."

Mal didn't bother to respond, simply approached the door and cautiously reached for the handle. Glancing inside, he saw River lying with her back to the wall, her eyes staring at some invisible thing across from her.

Zoe tightened her grip on her firearm as Mal approached the little killer and knelt beside her, much like Simon had done the first time this had happened.

"River?"

No answer.

"River, can you hear me?" He touched her arm and she didn't flinch, didn't so much as move a muscle.

"She hears but she doesn't comprehend," came the small voice, sounding broken and shattered.

"I think you know what you did, little one."

River shook her head, tears leaking out of her eyes, and in a small voice whispered, "Wasn't me." She stared at some intriguing spot on the wall as Mal slid closer.

"Tell that to Kaylee, little one. She done seen it with her own eyes."

River's head snapped up, her eyes feral like a wild animal's. She tugged sharply at the cuffs binding her arms to the grate and screamed, loud piercing sounds that did nothing to convince them of her proclaimed innocence.

"No! No! No! NO! I didn't! Couldn't!" River panted, panic settling in her lungs and making it difficult for her to breathe. "Simon." The last word was barely a whisper.

With no doctor, Mal didn't know what to do. None of them did so they just sat and waited for the tantrum to end.

And it did – eventually, with River collapsing dramatically onto the grate, mumbling incoherent phrases which just served to worry the onlookers even more.

After a few more moments, River, in a rare moment of lucidity, lifted her head and pleaded, "Please Captain Daddy." Her body trembled with the memories of what she had done and she lowered her head to the grate to cover her ears. The pained cries of those she loved most in the 'verse echoed in her mind and she whimpered, large tears rolling down her cheeks. "I can't –" she panted. "I couldn't –"

An anguished wail burst from her lips and Mal swallowed thickly, his heart pounding with nervousness, fear and pity.

When River lifted her head again, her eyes were even more clear. "Please let me see him. I have to tell him –" she sobbed, her body continuing to tremble. "I have to –" She looked at her hands, her eyes widening in horror as she remembered the feeling of the blade sinking into his skin, his warm blood coating her hands. She screamed again, pained, heartbreaking screams that had Inara turning away to hide her own tears. River clawed at her hands, nails digging into the skin hard enough to draw blood. But she was already covered with it, Simon's and Kaylee's both, and so couldn't tell where this new stuff began. "No! Simon no!"

Again, they waited and watched as a myriad of emotions crossed her face. But the most heartbreaking was the desperate look on her face when she lifted her eyes and pleaded with Mal to let her see her brother.

"No, little one, I'm sorry, I can't allow that."

"Please, please," River pleaded, her eyes begging as well as her mouth. "He has to know, he has to –I didn't mean –" The words were broken by sobs of regret and guilt as they wracked her body. She collapsed suddenly, body limp on the grating as she whispered, "Kill me. Please."

TBC


	3. Chapter 2

Title: Killer Woman

Rating: PG

Synopsis: River's nightmare turns into reality as she is triggered again.

Author's Notes: Post Movie

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful 'verse Joss Whedon created.

* * *

**Killer Woman**

**Chapter 2**

"Thinkin' the interrogation's gonna have to wait until later, Sir." Zoe helped Mal to his feet as they turned and exited the room, closing and locking the door tight behind them.

"Yup, I'm thinkin' you're right, Zo –" Mal trailed off when noticed Kaylee walk into the room, brought out of the infirmary only by River's incessant cries.

Inara moved to Kaylee's side as Mal walked toward them, his eyes soft and his expression tender. "Lil' Kaylee, how is –"

"Bad, Cap'n. But you know that already." Her voice was weak, her face haunted as her eyes darted from the closed door to Mal and back again.

"We're burnin' as hot as we can for Verbana. We'll get there."

"He's gonna die before then." There was no emotion in her voice, just a statement of fact.

Mal felt the temperature drop several notches as a chill ran down his spine. He knew it was a very real possibility that Simon wouldn't live long enough to get him to a hospital with the capability to treat his injuries. But the pain and heartache on Kaylee's face now gave Mal the strength put a small smile on his face and lie to his mei mei. "Don't say that." He reached out and held her arms, to make sure she'd look at him and listen. "You just think good thoughts. He'll make it."

"Let's sit down and eat something, Kaylee," Inara said softly, trying to guide the younger girl toward the table.

"No, have to get back to Simon, I just –" Kaylee glanced at the closed door that led to the storage closet. "I – heard –" She swallowed thickly. "What are ya gonna do with her?"

"Put a bullet to her if he's smart!" Jayne answered, getting a glare from everyone but Kaylee, whose eyes hadn't left Mal's.

"Come on, Mei mei," Inara tried again to get Kaylee to move.

"No." Kaylee shook her arms free, wincing as the slightly deeper cut in her shoulder pulled. "Don't want nothin'." She retreated back to the infirmary without another word, leaving everyone staring forlornly after her.

The first thing he felt when consciousness returned was cold. Bone-chilling cold that made him shiver to the very core. Next came the pain. So much pain that tears leaked out of the corner of eyes dried out from the loss of so much of his body's life-sustaining moisture. And then came the shortness of breath, the hitch in his throat and in his heart as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on inhaling enough air into his lungs to keep from passing out.

Simon groaned weakly and it took a long time for him to be able to focus on anything other than his own ragged breathing. But instincts ingrained in him as a well-trained trauma surgeon had his senses alerted to every sound. And currently, the loudest sound was the monitor beeping so far behind him he couldn't possibly crane his neck far enough to get a look at it.

He tried, and was rewarded with a multitude of deep, sharp pains for his efforts.

Barely a sound came from his parched lips as he opened them to call for help. No one was there with him but he didn't have the energy to think about why that was. He coughed and the pain that reverberated through his chest caused him to cry out weakly in agony.

He tried to move his hand, tried to look down at the sheet that covered him – dotted with red spatters of blood as it was, but he didn't have enough strength. Another whimper of pain slipped from his lips and then another as the burning in his chest began to spread to his extremities. He coughed again and this time cried out as his body began to grow numb from the pain.

"Simon!"

He could hear her calling him, and his head lolled to one side, his eyes barely open and registering her presence. He tried to say her name, and in his mind he did, but no sound actually fell from his lips.

Kaylee's hand flattened against the side of his face and he could feel the heat from her skin scald his cold cheek. "Sweetie, stay awake, stay with me. I know the Cap'n and Zoe wanna talk to ya."

Simon could feel the darkness encroaching upon his vision. He tried to speak but all that escaped his mouth were puffs of air so soft one wouldn't have guessed he was trying to speak at all.

"Honey, Simon? Sweetie, please."

Kaylee's voice called to him over the incessant beeping of the monitor. He could tell the urgency by the tone and pitch, but all he could hear was the dimming sound as he graciously welcomed pain-free unconsciousness.

"Kaylee, you need to get some sleep, sweetie," Inara said as she rested a gentle hand on Kaylee's uninjured shoulder.

"Can't leave 'im." Kaylee's voice was soft, determined, and Inara felt her heart sink into her chest at the sound. "Can't let 'im wake up with no one here again." One hand rested on Simon's cold cheek, the other beneath the blanket holding his equally cold hand. "He looked so scared, 'Nara." Kaylee's voice cracked and with difficulty she tore her eyes from his face and looked into her friend's eyes. "He was really scared. I ain't never seen him like that before."

"I'm sure he was very disoriented, Kaylee. Mal has him pretty doped up."

"It weren't that." Kaylee shook her head and returned her eyes to Simon's pale face. "It was like he knew. He couldn't talk, but I could see it in his eyes. He don't think he has a chance. An' I weren't here to tell him he was gonna make it. He was all alone."

"He has all of us to help him, Kaylee. Mal and Zoe are doing everything they can."

"But they ain't doctors an' he's hurt real bad."

"He is," Inara's eyes shifted to his face for just a moment, unable to deny the truth in Kaylee's words. "He'll make it. We just have to have faith that we'll reach Verbana in time."

"An' if we don't?"

Inara wrapped her arms around Kaylee's shoulders and was surprised when the girl slumped weakly against her side. "We won't think that way."

"How could she do it?" Kaylee asked, her voice muffled.

The only indication that Inara was surprised by the sudden subject change was the moment's pause before she answered. "I don't know, sweetie. It's hard to know what's going on in River's mind."

"He ain't ever done nothin' to hurt her."

"I don't think she knew what she was doing."

"She got triggered again, didn't she? Like on Beaumonde." Kaylee lifted tear-filled eyes to Inara.

"Yes," Inara admitted with a sigh. "Mal and Zoe are trying to figure out how, right now."

"I wanna help her. I wanna – " Kaylee shook her head, clearly torn about how she should feel about the girl who'd been such a good friend – but who had tried, just a few hours ago, to kill her own brother. "She's a good girl. I know she didn't mean what she did."

Inara smiled at her mei mei. Even with everything that had happened, she still managed to find some goodness in River, still believed there was something that could be done to help the troubled girl. "I know, sweetie, but she's a danger. That's why Mal locked her up."

"She wanted to see 'im."

Inara pursed her lips, wishing that Kaylee hadn't heard that rather impassioned plea.

"Mal doesn't think that's a good idea."

Kaylee's eyes lit with hope and she curled her fingers around Inara's arm. "She's smart, maybe she knows what to do."

"Sweetie, you need to rest. I'll sit here with Simon and come get you the moment he wakes up." Inara hoped that mentioning Simon would distract Kaylee and was relieved when it did.

Kaylee hesitated for a few minutes before Inara gave her a little shove toward the door.

"You'll come –" She cast a mournful look over her shoulder at Simon.

"Yes, now go."

Kaylee was lost in thought, her eyes downcast, as she slowly moved toward the bunk she'd just started sharing with Simon. When she stepped over the threshold, she stopped, her eyes darting around the dimly lit room.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she trembled and wrapped her arms around herself. She leaned back against the wall as her gaze fell on the bed, the blankets, sheets all covered in blood. Her shoulder ached more than a little, despite the pain medicine she'd taken for it.

The blood-stained blade of the knife lay glittering in the low light and a sob slipped from Kaylee's lips as she remembered the flash of that silver blade as it descended to end Simon's life. The moment replayed before Kaylee's eyes as she squeezed them shut and shook her head, desperately trying to stem the neverending onslaught of painful images.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she slid down the wall, pulling her knees to her chest. She'd been so strong since it all happened, putting on a brave front, doing what she needed to do. But sitting in this room and looking at all the blood brought a flood of unwanted memories and Kaylee couldn't help but sob at the horrific direction their lives had taken in one short night.

She simply stared at the far wall, her gaze occasionally flickering to the bed, wondering if their lives would ever be normal again.

"Convince her to get some sleep?"

Inara lifted weary eyes to Zoe as the woman walked into the Infirmary to look down at Simon.

"She wasn't happy about it, but I think she's so tired and so stressed that she'll fall asleep as soon as her body relaxes a bit."

"You should get some rest as well."

Her eyes returned to Simon's pale face. "I promised Kaylee I'd –"

"I can watch him," Zoe offered but Inara shook her head.

"I – he's badly hurt."

Zoe checked the bandages, touched her fingers to his cold neck and wrist and looked at his vitals beeping on the monitor against the far wall. "He ain't healthy, that's for sure."

"Will he make it?"

"Seen people hurt this bad in the war and they survived." Zoe didn't know what else do to other than to make sure her patient was warm and as comfortable as possible.

"They had medical care."

"Not all of 'em."

"I'm fine, Zoe, really."

Zoe nodded silently and left the room, wishing there was more she could do.

With an urgency Kaylee had never displayed, she pushed herself to her feet and frantically ripped every sheet and blanket off the bed, balling them up and throwing them into a corner. Her chest heaving, she marched into the galley, grabbed a bowl of hot water and a rag, saying nothing as Jayne watched from his perch on the counter where he intently guarded the storage room.

When she returned to Simon's room, Kaylee fell to her knees and scrubbed with voracious ferocity at the blood stains, working to get them out so she didn't have to see them, be reminded of what had happened in this room.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she worked and she began to hum to rid her mind of the sound of Simon's shocked cries or the sound of the knife as it bit into his bare flesh.

It took hours and by the time she was done, she was exhausted. Her hands and fingers ached, rubbed raw by the frantic repetitive motion against the carpet and the mattress. The wet rag slipped out of her hands as she curled into a ball, clutched Simon's pillow and fell into a fitful sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Kaylee awoke, feeling disoriented and bone weary. She lay in the bed, her body trembling from the cold but she didn't want to get up. She hugged Simon's pillow to her chest, ignoring the drops of blood that dotted the fabric.

She looked around the room, trying to remember the good times she and Simon had had in this place, but all she could see was the one bad time. It replayed through her mind in a neverending horrific stream and Kaylee scrunched her eyes shut and clutched his pillow tighter, trying to force herself to remember the good days, and even more pleasurable nights.

Kaylee lost herself in those memories for a long while before she pushed herself out of bed and walked out of the room with a determined step.

When she made it to the galley, she looked around the room to find it surprisingly empty. She stared at the closed storage locker and moved toward it, her face an emotionless mask as she punched in the code that would unlock the door.

With a snap and a hiss, the lock retracted and she pulled it open, disappearing inside just as Jayne rounded the corner from where he'd taken a moment to relieve himself.

He scowled at the door and resumed his vigil, not even realizing that there were now two people sitting inside that small room.

Inara turned sleepy eyes on Zoe, when she returned with Mal at her heels.

"Zoe's gonna sit with him for a while, you need to go lay down."

Inara hesitated but one look at Mal's set jaw and determined face convinced her that this was an argument she would not win.

"I need to tell Kaylee –"

"She was sound asleep when we walked by a few minutes ago," Mal assured," You can see her when you've gotten a bit a shut eye yourself."

Inara acquiesced and surrendered her seat to Zoe, who sat down and immediately dropped her hands to Simon's covered arm.

With a heavy sigh, Inara let Mal lead her out of the infirmary and back to her shuttle.

"How'd it all go to hell like this?" Mal asked as he sank into the cushions of Inara's couch. He needed to rest, if just for a few hours. He needed to be thinking with a clear head.

Inara sat slowly beside him and poured some herbal tea. They all needed to relax and this would help – she hoped.

"I don't know what to do with her."

Inara remained silent, not wanting her fears to control her response. The uncertainty in his voice and on his face made her heart ache and she knew how much it had taken for him to admit not knowing what to do.

Mal glanced up, his brow furrowing. "You ain't never so quiet. What's on your mind?"

Inara tilted her head and dropped her attention back to pouring the tea. "I don't know what to say, Mal."

"You ain't never at a loss for words."

"There's a first time for everything."

"Why'd it have to be now?"

If the situation weren't so dire, Inara would have laughed at the desperate tone in his voice.

"You have to help me," River's voice was soft, raw, pleading, as she looked at Kaylee sitting on the grating across from her.

"I wanna help ya," Kaylee answered softly, her eyes searching the younger girl's for signs of the crazy one who had attacked her brother.

"I need to see him."

"Cap'n don't want that."

"I have to make him understand," River cried softly, large tears rolling down her cheeks. "Didn't mean to. Didn't want to."

"But ya did," Kaylee said sadly, chills running down her spine as she remembered the feral look in the girl's eyes as she plunged the knife into her brother's body over and over again.

River turned big, imploring, brown eyes on Kaylee. "Please, I can help him."

Kaylee tried to swallow the nervous excitement that rushed through her body at the implication of River's words.

"I'm smart. I can help him." River reached still-shackled hands toward the girl she knew would one day be her sister. "Please."

"I –" Kaylee tried to shake her head, knowing that she shouldn't even be considering this option. As her heart began to overrule her head, she inhaled deeply, and looked into River's wide, desperate eyes.

"Can't hurt him anymore," River lowered her head and sobbed, the sound clenching Kaylee's heart in a vice-like, immovable grip. "He'll die before we get to Verbana."

Kaylee swallowed thickly, that last comment cinching her decision. She couldn't simply stand by and watch Simon die, not when River was so convinced she would be able to help him. In the back of her mind, Kaylee wondered if she was doing the right thing. But, her heart won over her head and in the few moments it took for Kaylee to unlock River's cuffs, the eternal good that lived in her heart had to believe that River would not hurt anyone else.

When River launched herself to her feet, Kaylee was taken aback, but the girl grabbed her hand and shoved open the door, bringing Jayne to his feet instantly with Vera pointed at the door.

"Can help him!" River dragged Kaylee through the door as Jayne's finger tightened on the trigger.

Swearing loudly, Jayne followed the two women, desperately hoping Kaylee would get out of his way so he could put a bullet to that crazy girl's brainpan before she hurt anyone else.

"You're as crazy as she is!" Jayne growled at Kaylee as she moved off to the side of the infirmary, watching River pull open drawers and gather supplies.

"She said she could help, Jayne."

"Ain't she done enough _helpin'_ for one day?" Jayne trained Vera on River as she set a bunch of unidentifiable items on the tray beside the diagnostic chair.

"He's gonna die, Jayne."

"Might quicker now that you let the moonbrain loose! I sure as hell ain't gonna be joinin' 'im!"

Kaylee clenched her fists and glared at Jayne. "I couldn't just sit an' watch him die! I had ta do somethin'!"

Jayne sneered and glanced at River, still working methodically beside her brother. "One wrong move and I'll put a round or ten in her brainpan."

River worked swiftly, inserting needles, fluids and administering carefully measured medications. She affixed the oxygen tank to the back of the diagnostic chair and stretched the clear, thin tube over her brother's head, helping him to breathe a bit better.

When she stopped and cocked her head at Simon, Jayne tightened his grip on his most precious possession in the 'Verse and narrowed his eyes.

"Tell me, Simon. What else?" River asked in a soft voice, her face close to his, their cheeks touching.

Jayne exchanged an incredulous look with Kaylee, whose gaze was completely focused on Simon. "She talkin' to an unconscious man?"

"Can read his thoughts," River said without turning to look at Jayne. "Know what he wants me to do."

"Oh, of course," Jayne rolled his eyes, "because you can –"

River lifted her eyes to his and said in the most serious tone either of them had ever heard. "Hear his thoughts. Yes."

"Please save him, River," Kaylee pleaded, her voice breaking with emotion.

"Wouldn't be like this if –"

"Jayne!" Kaylee hissed, and both of them missed the slight pause in River's motion as she reached for another tool.

"_I want to be hurt this time! You're always the one getting hurt!" Simon frowned at his sister._

"_That's because you're the doctor, silly," a young River said as she collapsed onto the couch, head lolling to one side as she played dead._

_A long moment of silence passed and when River didn't see or feel him poking at her arms, she opened one eye to find him peering over the couch, staring at her._

"_What got you this time?"_

"_Dinosaur threw me." She said seriously, as if it had truly happened._

_Simon nodded slowly and then rolled his eyes. "Oh, of course."_

"_Tossed off one of those nasty Independent's. Snapped his neck, but then the big beast reared like a horse and off I went. Couldn't hold on." River's imagination ran away with her and she explained, right out of his medical textbook, exactly what injuries she had sustained. _

"_Well, then," Simon acquiesced and began to pretend he was her doctor, remembering from what he'd studied most recently, how to treat her imaginary injuries. "I guess we'd better get started."_

"My turn this time, Simon," River leaned over him again, closing her eyes at that happy childhood memory. "I'll heal you. I promise."

"Can ya help 'em?" Kaylee asked, taking a step forward.

"Am helping him," River answered as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Am doing as much as I can." She looked up at Kaylee, her eyes sad. "Not a doctor."

"Yeah, you had to go an' nearly _kill_ our only doctor, didn't ya?" Jayne's patience was stretched thin, and he didn't trust this girl as far as he could lift Serenity by its landing gear and toss it.

River's bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears. "Didn't mean to." She backed away, shaking her head. "Didn't know what she was doing. Don't know what happened. Was getting better. No more dreams."

Jayne's eyes narrowed with suspicion at River's description of herself and he reached out and closed his hand around Kaylee's wrist. "No."

Kaylee glanced back at Jayne, wondering what was wrong, but River continued to murmur loud enough to distract her from whatever question she was going to ask.

"They talked to me, told me it was all a lie. Told me –" River glanced down at her unconscious brother. "Told me it was all wrong."

"Who spoke to you?" Kaylee asked, confused.

River shook her head, her breathing deepening to the point where they could hear it. "I was bad. Wrong. I failed. They were right." She looked at Jayne, her eyes narrowed to tiny slits.

"Get behind me," Jayne pushed Kaylee out of the way and tightened his grip on Vera. He tried to repeat those safe words over and over in his mind but his tongue just stumbled over the foreign phrase. _Damnit all. If he'd wanted schooling, he'd have gone to school._ And Jayne knew River could sense those thoughts.

"Jayne –" Kaylee shook her head but addressed River instead.

He felt the subtle shift in River's demeanor, the tension sizzling in the air between the two warriors.

"You go get Mal an' Zoe," Jayne said without blinking, locking his gaze with River.

As much as he wanted to consider himself the predator here, he knew by the look in her eyes, and very vivid memories of what she'd done to a room full of Reavers, that he was most certainly the prey.

"Drowning in blood." River said as she backed up a step, resting her hand on the metal tray beside the chair. "I see it, everything they did, to me, to them," her eyes clouded and she cocked her head as if listening to some invisible instructor.

Kaylee stood rooted in place, watching this change come over River in an instant.

_She stood in the middle of a room; her hands sore, her fingers sprained, blood dotting her skin. Bodies lay at her feet, her hair tangled and falling in damp strings around her face._

"_Very good, River."_

"_Did I pass?" The girl asked eagerly._

"_Oh yes," The instructor cooed, clasping his hands together._

"_I don't like to fail. They don't like it when she fails." She glanced over at the two way window, knowing they were behind it, watching her, evaluating her. _

_A moan drew River's hard gaze to the vicinity of her feet._

"_You failed," came a booming voice piped in from the speakers overhead._

"_No," River whispered. They didn't like it when she failed. They punished her when she failed._

"_He's still alive."_

_  
River swiveled her head down as one of the boys lying at her feet glanced up at her. When their eyes locked, River tensed, feeling rage burn through her blood._

"_You were supposed to die the first time," she grit out through clenched teeth and moved with lightning speed toward the boy._

"Kaylee get back!" Jayne shoved Kaylee against the wall and tensed as River launched herself at him with a feral growl.

A well-placed kicked knocked Vera from Jayne's grasp, as the girl spun herself out of the movement and delivered a very painful stab to his side, stealing his breath as the scalpel cut an easy path into his skin.

Jayne glanced down as he saw crimson spreading across his shirt, then up at River, who smiled madly at the blood coating the scalpel in her hand.

"River no!" Kaylee screamed, but anger fueled River's balletic movements now.

Nothing, no one, was going to stop her from completing her mission. She had failed once and she'd been punished for it. She would not fail again. She lunged toward Jayne, murderous intent in her cloudy brown eyes, but he caught her arms and squeezed, trying to get her to drop her weapon.

She twisted out of his grip, her small frame slipping easily from his large hands and whirled on him, the sharp implement slicing across his chest neatly, drawing yet more blood.

Kaylee pounded her fist against the comm. unit on the wall and cried into it for help before a roundhouse kick connected with her side and sent her sailing to the floor, knocking the breath from her lungs.

"Kaylee get outta here!" Jayne growled as he clamped a large maw around River's upper arm and yanked her around to face him.

River twisted but could not get him to release her arm and so delivered an open palmed punch to his solar plexus, instantly knocking the breath out of him.

But Jayne refused to release her arm and twisted it until River hissed in pain, falling to her knees.

But she was there only a moment when her knee connected with his groin and he shouted loud and long at the pain that traveled through that rather sensitive area. In his anger and as a last ditch effort to save his life, Jayne put all of his weight behind one last movement and shoved River head first toward the wall.

Mal and Zoe reached the infirmary at the same time, the former hearing the commotion from where he lay with Inara in her shuttle, the latter returning from a few minutes of checking their course heading on the bridge. The safe word spilled from both their lips as River collapsed to the floor, the scalpel falling out of her hand as she was rendered unconscious.

Kaylee ran to Jayne as he lay on the floor, her eyes filled with tears. "Jayne?"

"Git away from me, gorramit!" Jayne heaved large gasps of air into his lungs as he tried to wipe the tears of pain from the corner of his eyes.

"What the hell happened here?" Mal asked as he and Zoe raised their guns at River.

"Damn moonbrain tried to kill me!" Jayne growled as he pushed himself to his feet with a pained grunt and pulled Vera into his arms.

"She ain't gonna make that mistake again!" He aimed the gun and depressed the trigger, amidst Kaylee's screams, and Mal and Zoe's cries to stand down.

TBC


	4. Chapter 3

Title: Killer Woman

Rating: PG

Synopsis: River's nightmare turns into reality as she is triggered again.

Author's Notes: Post Movie

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful 'verse Joss Whedon created.

* * *

**Killer Woman**

**Chapter 3**

"Gorramn crazy broke Vera!" Jayne whined as he laid the precious gun on the counter and began examining it.

Zoe rolled the stool over to Jayne. "Sit down before you fall down."

Kaylee went to Simon's side and clutched desperately at his hand while Mal picked River up and marched her back to lockup. Inara, who had missed most of the excitement, stood beside Kaylee, lending whatever support she could to the distraught young woman.

Jayne ignored Zoe, as well as the pain in his side, as he examined his most favorite gun, trying to figure out why it wouldn't fire.

"Gorramit, Jayne, sit the hell down!"

Jayne growled at Zoe but winced as he looked down at his injuries. "Vera's broke for good an' I'll end that little brat's life."

"You've got other guns, Jayne," Zoe said with a roll of the eyes as she began to clean his wound. She worked in silence while Jayne muttered uselessly.

"So what happened?" Mal asked as he walked back in to the room, staring at Kaylee.

"She let crazy out." Jayne nodded toward Kaylee before wincing as Zoe tugged the first stitch through his skin.

"He didn't ask you, Jayne," Zoe said, her tone leaving no room for further comment.

"She said she could help Simon." Kaylee said, her voice soft. Her eyes lingered on her beloved's face while trembling fingers brushed across his cheek.

"An' so you let her out?" The incredulous look on Mal's face would have been funny at any other time.

"Mal –" Inara exchanged a look with the man that implored him to tone down the accusatory glare.

"She did help him," Kaylee said softly, her eyes unwavering from Simon's face.

"Yeah, an' then she attacked me – an' you! Ow!" Jayne glowered at Zoe as she tugged needlessly hard on the next stitch.

"One more word Jayne." Zoe stared at the man, her body already tense at having to stitch up yet another member of the crew.

Mal looked over Simon's unconscious form. "He doin' better?"

"It looks like he's more stable, yes," Inara answered, glancing at the bag of fluid that hung beside the chair and the IV that now rested in Simon's arm.

"We ain't but a few hours out from Verbana," Mal offered.

"Yeah, an' we're gonna walk the doc into the closest hospital with all them feds stationed there?" Jayne didn't look up from where he tinkered with his gun, but his annoyance was palpable.

"There's just a small security detail there now," Zoe said as she set aside the needle and scissors. "Hopefully, they've got more important places to be patrolling than the local emergency room."

"He's tagged. They'll do a scan an' that'll be that."

"Well, he ain't got a chance if we don't get him to a hospital. We'll have to risk it."

"I say we dump 'em both. Ain't worth gettin' arrested 'cause a –"

Kaylee glanced up, horrified, but Inara rested a comforting hand on the younger woman's arm.

"We ain't discussin' this in committee. My ship, my decision. We're goin'." Mal stared at Jayne. "You might want to be lookin' to that attitude. Simon's patched you up more'n a few times."

Jayne scowled. "Yeah, an' more'n a few of 'em I got on account he an' the moonbrain were here in the first place."

"I'll take him to the hospital when we land an' you can go," Kaylee said, her voice soft but determined.

Mal pursed his lips. "Man's a part of this crew, lil' Kaylee. I don't leave crew behind."

Zoe glanced at Jayne. "You could maybe make an exception just this once, Sir."

Jayne simply made a face, remembering the last time Zoe'd made a comment about his worth to the ship.

_The crowd cheered as a thirteen year old River bowed with the rest of her troupe. River accepted the congratulations with the grace and manner befitting someone of her station but as her eyes scanned the throngs of well-wishers, there was really only one person she wanted to see – her brother._

_Since he'd started medical school, she'd hardly seen him. __She missed him so badly; the house was empty without him and River had grown desperate for an escape. She'd even gone so far as to investigate boarding schools, each more challenging than the last, in an effort to make her forget about the life her brother was making without her._

_The ache in her heart grew, yet the fake smile remained on her face as her parents hugged and congratulated her on another superb performance._

"_Simon?" River asked hopefully._

"_He had to work, River, you know that," her mother said, trying to offer comfort to her disappointed daughter. "He's been very busy with –"_

_Her mother's words trailed off into the rest of the voices surrounding her. She didn't need to hear the woman make excuses for Simon. She knew he was busy. But he'd missed her last three recitals and she'd hoped he would at least make it to the last one of the season._

_As she left for the dressing rooms, River's eyes widened and she hurried around the other performers toward the well-dressed young man waiting in front of her chair. With an excited cry, she launched herself into her waiting brother's arms._

"_Simon! I thought you didn't come!"_

"_I didn't see it all, mei mei, but I got away as quick as I could."_

_River could see the disappointment in his features but she didn't care. He was here now and that was all that mattered._

River whimpered as old childhood memories played through her mind, unending streams of information that she had never forgotten, but long ago buried. Untold hours passed as her conscious mind became lost in the joy that was her brother's presence in her life.

_River's eyes widened as she watched the awkward teenagers kiss. "You're doing it wrong, Simon," River shook her head disapprovingly. "Too sloppy." She wrinkled her nose in disgust but she watched with a child's curiosity as her brother and his girlfriend sat in the gazebo on the Tam Estate, learning how to kiss for the first time._

_River had been disgusted, and tattled, getting her brother into trouble. He had been angry with her then, but it hadn't lasted. It never did. He loved her and she loved him. It didn't matter how annoying she was, he couldn't stay mad at her for long._

_The next time she'd caught Simon with a girl, it was different, still awkward, but there was an intensity to the motions after being put off for so long. And as she watched while he kissed Kaylee, River knew, deep in her heart and soul that this was right for him. Despite his reservations, his hesitation to give into base urges and desires, despite their seemingly unending hurdle of differences, would make it – together._

Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes as River kept them clamped shut, trying to desperately hold onto those good memories. But as her breathing escalated and her heart rate rose, she couldn't keep the bad memories, the painful ones at bay.

The most horrifying memory reverberated through her entire body as she remembered, as she _felt,_ that blade sink into her brother's body over and over and over again. His blood covered her hands, her arms, her face, as she unemotionally carried out the task _they_ had long ago conditioned into her.

Suddenly, she bolted upright, her body trembling so hard the restraints rattled against the floor's grating. She couldn't let him die. She loved him. He was her brother and she had tried to kill him. She doubled over and retched, her chest heaving in an effort to dislodge the small pin she had swallowed when fighting with Jayne in the infirmary.

After a few moments the piece shot into her cupped hands and she smiled. Curling her hands so that she could reach the lock on the handcuffs, she expertly shoved the pin into them and sighed satisfactorily when she heard the answering click.

Hiding a smile she called for Jayne, who she knew was waiting and pacing outside the locked door. He would come. He wanted her dead and she would give him one last opportunity.

"He's got that fake ident card," Kaylee offered with a hopeful look in her eyes.

"It'll have to be enough," Mal grunted as he lifted the stretcher.

"Not if they do a blood scan."

"Alliance is crawlin' all over this planet."

"We gotta get him there or he ain't gonna make it."

"We know, Kaylee." Mal and Zoe carefully maneuvered Simon's unconscious form onto the stretcher.

"I'll stay and clean up." Inara said, pressing a kiss to Kaylee's cheek. "You go with Mal and Zoe."

Mal regarded Inara. "Jayne's watchin' River, make sure he don't do anything stupid."

"Jayne, Sir?" Zoe rolled her eyes. "Do something stupid?"

Mal scowled at her rather accurate non-verbal assessment. "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."

"I'll check on him when I'm finished." Inara bustled around the room as Mal and Zoe carried Simon out.

Jayne glared at the door as he listened to River's sing songy voice call to him, taunting him. He took a swig of sake and slammed the bottle back onto the table.

"Fine. Little moonbrain wants play, we'll play," Jayne scowled and clutched the now-working Vera tightly as he went to the door. He glanced in through the peep hole and noticed her still cuffed to the grate, looking up at him like an innocent little child who had been needlessly punished.

He quickly unlocked the door and went in, grinning knowingly at the girl.

"All chained up like a little animal, huh, crazy?"

"Jayne?"

He ignored her and continued with his taunting. "We all thought you was gettin' better. But no, you had to go on a murderin' rampage so's now we got to –"

Before Jayne knew what was happening, River was upright, her fists and her feet connecting with various parts of his anatomy and dropping him, moments later, unconscious to the ground. Blood spread across his side where she'd stabbed him earlier, opening Zoe's carefully constricted stitches. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides as she resisted the carefully programmed commands that had risen to the forefront of her mind. They demanded she end the lives of anyone in her path. But her nails dug deep into her palms, drawing thin lines of blood in the skin. She didn't want to kill Jayne, she couldn't. She only wanted to see Simon, to tell him she loved him, to tell him that she didn't mean to do what she did.

"Can't control it, Simon." River shook her head, tears slipping down her round cheeks. "It controls me. Have to stop it. Don't know how!" She shrieked and ran out of the room. Someone was coming and they mustn't see her.

River crept along the walkways, her hands brushing the walls, feeling the cold metal against her fingertips. It doused the rage and the heat burning through her veins and she walked with a determined step, head cocked to the side as if listening for anyone who might come upon her.

She walked noiselessly on bare feet to the infirmary, where her breath caught in her throat when she saw the diagnostic bed was empty. _He wasn't dead._ The ship had landed and they were just getting him help.

Help.

Something that wasn't possible for her.

She was broken, damaged, dangerous, and always would be.

River stepped soundlessly into the room and eyed the tools sitting on the metal table beside the chair.

A startled gasp filled the air and River's head swiveled to take in Inara's surprised face, her hands clutching bloody materials she had just cleaned off the counter.

"River, what are you –"

"I have to –" She swiped a sharp implement off the table, her hand shaking as the sharp edge at once pointed toward her own body and then away from it. She took a hesitant step toward Inara, who instinctively backed against the farthest wall.

"No, River, you don't." Inara's eyes were calm as she struggled to speak to the girl. Her body thrummed as River felt the strong, anxious thud of the woman's fear.

"Can't live like this. Have no control." River's hand shook, followed by her entire slight frame as she advanced on the former Companion. Tears leaked down her cheeks and Inara could see the hesitant conflict flicker in her eyes. "Hurt Simon. My brother. And I love him! Can't trust me. Can't heal me. I'm lost."

"We can help you – "Inara began but River's quick reflexes swung the scalpel along her closest arm, drawing blood. Inara's hand immediately covered the cut as it began to throb painfully. But as she opened her mouth to put River to sleep, the back of the girl's hand struck her across the face, momentarily knocking the safe words out of her lungs.

"No one can help me!" River cried as her eyes filled with tears. She raised the scalpel but hesitated, memories rushing through her mind so fast she didn't know whether they were true, or false, planted there, or gleaned from her unconscious plundering of other's thoughts.

_A scientist shoving needles into her skin over and over as she screamed for the brother who didn't come._

_Her father ordering her to her room without dinner._

_Her brother's angry thoughts as she interrupted him with Ella Gray._

_A student launching himself at her, his hand positioned in just the right way to snap her neck._

_Images of other planets, people affected by the Pax. Miranda wasn't the only blemish on the Alliance's façade of a record._

_Experiments conducted on the young and old to find the best method of creating a human weapon._

"No!" River screamed and fell to her knees, the images and the emotions they evoked within her overwhelming the diminutive girl.

Inara took a step forward, wanting to comfort her. But Mal's demand to keep still, as he stood in the entrance to the infirmary, gun drawn, halted her forward motion.

River quieted at the sound of his voice and swiveled her head toward him. Her gaze was once again cold and calculated, as if his voice, and that tone, had brought about another unwanted memory. As a rabid animal knowing its end was near, she launched herself to her feet and charged toward Inara, shocking the Companion into crying out the words that would put the girl to sleep.

But River's mind had retreated into a place she had constructed during her time at the Academy. A place where she could not hear or feel what was being done to her. Instinct alone drove her actions, and no one would ever know why the word had worked once and had never worked again.

Just as River reached the Companion, a single gun shot echoed in the small room and the younger girl's brown eyes widened for a brief moment before a hint of a smile played across her face.

"River?" Inara breathed, her arms outstretched to block the oncoming attack that had been halted mere inches from its destination.

The scalpel hit the floor with an unusually loud clang in the suddenly silent room, but before Inara could blink, Mal had caught the broken girl and hugged her to his chest, anguish the likes of which she'd never seen, nor wanted to see again, written in his weathered features.

"Wanted to help me," River's voice was a pained whisper as she stared unblinking into Mal's face.

Mal swallowed thickly and nodded as Inara fell to her knees, tears welling in her eyes.

"Tell him I'm – sorry," River whispered, her voice growing more faint with each word, each labored breath.

"River –" Mal wanted to speak but the lump in his throat and the look in River's eyes told him she wasn't finished.

River heaved a huge, shaky breath and Mal knew she didn't have much time left. He wanted to apologize, but she lifted her hand and trailed light fingers over his cheek. "Thank you – for carrying the bullet for me."

Mal's jaw set as River's big brown eyes cleared for a moment and a small smile spread across her face. She'd made peace with her life, and with her Captain's role in ending it.

Mal only wished he could understand why things had happened the way they did.

Watching the broken girl's smile fade and her body fall limp against him made Mal fleetingly wish he could join her. Cast aside all mortal responsibility and end the pain this innocent child's death would cause for him and his.

But instead he closed his rapidly misting eyes and dropped his face into her dark hair, wishing to every God in the 'verse that he had the power to turn back time – even if it meant the girl and her brother never set foot on his boat.

He held her for a long time, his heart heavy. "It didn't have to end like this," he said to no one in particular, though Inara was the only one in the room.

"I knew the safe word. I knew it." Mal's voice was broken with emotion and Inara didn't know what to do to comfort him. "But she was too close. I couldn't've said it in time."

"It didn't work, Mal," Inara's soft voice tried to comfort where she knew there would be none to find. "I said it, but it didn't put her to sleep. If you hadn't shot, I'd –"

"You'd be dead and so would she." He simply stated matter-of-factly.

Silence fell and he only looked up when Zoe stopped in the doorway, unable to completely mask the shocked look on her face.

The warrior woman's eyes quickly scanned the surroundings before returning to her friend and Captain. "Sir?"

"She thanked me, Zo." Mal's voice was hoarse with rarely displayed emotion.

Zoe remained silent and a small shiver raced down her spine when she noticed the hollow look in his eyes.

"Thanked me for carryin' the bullet."

In that moment, Zoe knew what she'd already guessed. Mal had been the one to end the troubled genius' life. After everything that had happened, it needed to be done, Zoe understood that. But saying it now would do no one any good, least of all to the man sitting at her feet.

"Simon?" Inara finally asked, her voice a bit more steady than Mal's. She wasn't sure any of them could take more bad news.

"In surgery. They seemed optimistic."

"Just give him a gun, Zo," Mal said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Boy's got more of a level head than that, Sir." Zoe understood that he'd meant Simon would want to kill him for ending his sister's life, but she tended to give credit where she felt it was due. Simon would have to understand even if he didn't want to.

"Not when it comes – came," his voice hitched ever so lightly in his throat, "to his sister."

Zoe pursed her lips. Captain had a point.

END

Notes: The point of this story, if it was missed in all the drama, is that some people are put in this world simply for the effect they will have on the lives around them.

Thanks for reading.


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